Mesalliance
by PINEfish
Summary: Kaoru's forced to marry an infamous singeractor, in order to provide him protection from the so-called death threats he received. My first try at humor, please try to take a look at it...


**Mes-Alliance**

Arrha

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I knew that from the very beginning, I wasn't exactly a charmer. Thin legs, thin arms, wide hips, thin waist, was not what others would normally see as a nice, proportioned body. Aside from that, my flaky, calloused hand, had also a few critics of their own, during the time of accidental hand / fingertips brushing.

Well, so there you go, not much of a self-esteem booster, on my side. But who actually cares?

Who actually cares, anyway?

Well, for one, maybe these insensitive, old hags / gays ganging up on me and shoving me on the far left corner of my own office, calling me names and haplessly enjoying throwing nasty, side comments on my eyes, my hair and ack! my body.

Deeming, that I could if I choose to do so, I would have slain these infuriating bis in front of me, just to be able to put an imaginary comforting tap to my otherwise, bruised and maltreated pride.

But then, the idea of me, throwing away all what I stand for. 'ehem' justice and equality. It wouldn't actually seem right, if I go on a killing spree right now.

So still, there I was. Trapped in a corner, forced to degradation by a bunch of wishy-washy old ladies.

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"Blech... What-Is-That-SMELL?" I had practically shouted as I entered tentatively the home of my supposed-to-be new client. The posh, Suburbian-style home, which had promised finery and luxury on the outside look, proved to be a total dump on the inside.

First of all, there was that smell, that made my stomach double-take and growl and want to forcibly pushed my breakfast out of digestion and into my esophagus and beyond. I simply wrinkled my nose in disgust, and hope that the smell go away.

I then, turned on towards one of the inner halls and found myself on an even bigger dump. Well, you might say, an infested area -- a heavily women coughcough**whore**coughcough -- infested area.

Scantily clad women, were all over the floors, possibly asleep, with and STILL, the over-powering smell of the unpleasant aroma before, mixed in with the taste and heavy stench of dried alcohol in the air.

So now, more than before, I had that ultimate sinking feeling that my new client, was a pervert, a loser, a bum, a slacker and a total wretch.

cough, cough

A cough had caught me off guard and broke me, out of my 'deductive moments'. I followed the sound and came face-to-face, with the most irregular thing I've seen my whole life.

Violet eyes stared at me. Violet. Deeply. Possibly studying. _'Yeah well... if he sent those hags to study / terrorize me, then I shouldn't think otherwise of him, should I?'_

"Mr. Himura, I presumed?" I asked the man in front of me and of which I got a nod in return.

"Ms. Kamiya?"

"Hai! I'm here for your case..." I said as I laid down some papers from my bag, on the table next to me.

"Yeah... I believe my assistants had you checked before you came here..."

"Assistants?" _'Yeah right, more like drag queens!'_

"Yep. The ladies I sent."

"Yes. Those 'ladies' checked me out! Really great..." I said trailing off.

We were silent for a moment, before he spoke again.

"Ms. Kamiya, would you like to have some snacks before we continue on with this dialogue?"

'_Not in this dump, I won't!'_

I shook my head, as politely as I could. Although I was a little hungry, just the idea of this house's smell didn't give me the nicest idea of what his food would look like.

"It's the smell, isn't it?"

"Pardon?"

"It's the smell..."

I gave him the courtesy of a small blush before replying quickly, "Hai, it's the smell..."

"Suman, Kamiya-dono... My friend had a welcoming-party last night and things just got out of hand!" he replied back to me, as he rubbed the back of his neck and made a silly laughing-like sound.

I looked at the surrounding and instantly my brows arched up, _'got out of hand? no kidding there...'_

"Well, Kamiya-dono, I'm not in the mood right now, to talk about these things... Could you perhaps come back sometime later today?"

"Uh... Gomen, Himura-san, I can't! I have my other cases to take care of... You know, if you have anything to say about the kind of protection you like, you could say it right now and maybe I could readily set it up for you at the headquarters..."

"But..."

"Himura-san, I can't..."

"But I am a paying customer!" He said, irritation mixing in with his former-polite tone.

"You aren't a paying customer, you are a NEW, POSSIBLE, client..."

"But!"

'_Look here... you ooof! I said, I can't, Okay? Now tell me what you need and I'll set it up for you this afternoon...' _I thought, my temper having the best of me. It wasn't actually him, I think it had something to do with the smell. Although all I could give in retort to his 'but' was a disapproving look and a simple snort.

The man was absolutely polite. Well... a few moments ago.

So, it had to be the smell. Had to be.

I looked back at him, but was quickly flabbergasted when I saw him smirking at me.

'_That damn addict is smirking at me... Smirking at me...'_

"What?" I snapped back at him to which he responded with his own, equally annoying snort.

'_Geez... Not only is he a slacker and a bum, he had to be a drug addict, too! Great, just great, Kamiya! You have truly met your match...'_

"Ms. Kamiya, Please go this way..." he said back.

I looked at him, my eyes not wavering.

"Himura-san... I have to go!" I said, with extreme finality and irritation. As I independently walked out and made my way out of this house.

"Demo... Kamiya-dono, what about my case?"

"Oh! About that, you could ask your **assistants** to drop by again at the station. Tell them to look for any stupid-looking, and gullible officer who would immediately take on your case. Because I am not interested nor am I humored by this display of irregularities and no doubt disturbing behavior from you and your wretched and **smelly** house. Good day!"

And with that I stomped out of the house and out of his life forever, which was of course to my relief.

I get to keep my breakfast intact and that loony bozo gone.

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More will be explained in the upcoming chapters. Reviews please from anyone who found this fic interesting!


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